My Inner Voices
This is how you might find me on any given day. Hair pulled back tight in a pony tail. No make-up, wearing a tank top, yoga pants and my little house booties made by MUKS.
Some Gothic Metal or Classic Baroque Music playing lightly from my Pandora channel. My head being filled with voices of characters as I type out what they dictate to me is happening to them from their point of view in a novel.
How many voices are in this head? To many to possibly list but I will try. Not all right here, right now, but in time. In time I will introduce you to each of them. One by one.
Some Gothic Metal or Classic Baroque Music playing lightly from my Pandora channel. My head being filled with voices of characters as I type out what they dictate to me is happening to them from their point of view in a novel.
How many voices are in this head? To many to possibly list but I will try. Not all right here, right now, but in time. In time I will introduce you to each of them. One by one.
Who I Am as opposed to who I was
Today I know who I am. I know what I want. I know why my life took the twists and turns it did to get me here. I am many things depending on the situation, but above all I am always true to my nature of who I know I am. I know these things because I know what all I am not.
I am that 7 year old girl singing to the butterflies in my backyard on Mulberry Street. I am that 12 year old who just beat the crap of some other 12 year old girl for picking on a much younger child. I am that 16 year old who thinks she is not as good as anyone else. I am all these things and even so much more.
I am that 25 year old young lady that was refused wine at King Fish because I only looked 13. I am that 27 year old Mother who was handed a pamphlet about teenage pregnancy and told maybe I should think about giving my child up for adoption because it's hard to be a teenage mother. I am the quiet one that allows people to assume their own wrong conclusions.
I am the 35 year old with three past marriages. I am the one that survived being cheated on, lied to and beaten. I am the one that survived extreme mental abuse. I am the one who even though I was going through hell myself held myself together to raise my kids and my nieces and nephew. I am the one that put all my hurt, anger on the back burner because the kids were more important.
I am now the 46 year old who has decided to quit slaving for a society that does not care. I have come to a place in my life where it is me time. Time to write., reflect., and collect from my pain., my life., my memories and share them and hope along the way it entertains and may also help someone else find the strength in themselves to endure their life pathway. I had no one to help guide me., protect me., or encourage me. It was difficult and so many times I wanted to give up completely.
It never was easy. It's still a struggle. Life is though what we make it. Courage or Fear ... the choice is yours alone.
Don't wait forever to believe in yourself.
I am that 7 year old girl singing to the butterflies in my backyard on Mulberry Street. I am that 12 year old who just beat the crap of some other 12 year old girl for picking on a much younger child. I am that 16 year old who thinks she is not as good as anyone else. I am all these things and even so much more.
I am that 25 year old young lady that was refused wine at King Fish because I only looked 13. I am that 27 year old Mother who was handed a pamphlet about teenage pregnancy and told maybe I should think about giving my child up for adoption because it's hard to be a teenage mother. I am the quiet one that allows people to assume their own wrong conclusions.
I am the 35 year old with three past marriages. I am the one that survived being cheated on, lied to and beaten. I am the one that survived extreme mental abuse. I am the one who even though I was going through hell myself held myself together to raise my kids and my nieces and nephew. I am the one that put all my hurt, anger on the back burner because the kids were more important.
I am now the 46 year old who has decided to quit slaving for a society that does not care. I have come to a place in my life where it is me time. Time to write., reflect., and collect from my pain., my life., my memories and share them and hope along the way it entertains and may also help someone else find the strength in themselves to endure their life pathway. I had no one to help guide me., protect me., or encourage me. It was difficult and so many times I wanted to give up completely.
It never was easy. It's still a struggle. Life is though what we make it. Courage or Fear ... the choice is yours alone.
Don't wait forever to believe in yourself.